For Some Reason...

I have been really good all week at not getting all emotional and mopey since Chad left.


That is, until last night.  Chad received the crushing news that he was not chosen for the job that he interviewed for when he was up here.  It kind of sent me into panic mode. I don't deem myself to be codependent on him in any way, but not knowing when he's coming back up, and having this set back his move up here freaked me out.

I cried, I got mopey,  and I'm really realizing how much I've missed him this week.  I was so used to seeing him every day, and now we're back to phone calls and texts.  Those can't even compare to being able to look at him, to be in the same room as him.

I found out that I got the job that I interviewed for a few weeks ago, and I start at the end of August. I guess things for Chad and I just won't line up as easily as I thought.  I can't lie though, I'm really excited to start this job and have more structure to my life once again.

At the same time, since I have a few more weeks of unemployed life, I have a lot of time to finish knitting for conventions, and I'm thinking about going to see Chad in Maryland for a few days or a week because we don't have any definite answer of when he'll be back.

Life feels much easier and I'm much happier when he's around.  He's my best friend that I can completely be myself with and not be all self conscious about how I might look or stupid things that might come out of my mouth. I have sent him numerous links of child care places for him to check out (he's worked with kids for almost 8 years), so it better only be a matter of time before someone realizes how amazing he is and hires him.

All I would like is for him to be here now so we can snuggle and watch stupid movies. Until then...

Blah

I feel so out of it today.

I just basically ended up spending the past 2 months with Chad.  I spent weeks down in Maryland, came back home, and a week after, Chad came up here and stayed for a month.  He left this morning, and I can't help but feel like there's a huge hole in my life.

We've been doing this now for almost nine months.  The distance is such a bitch, but we're so strong and continue to make it work.  We both had job interviews while he was up here.  Unfortunately, those are still up in the air at the moment.  The plan is that Chad will be up here again in a couple of weeks and he'll make contact with more places that weren't hiring before, but may be hiring in the coming weeks.  Either way, it's weird to be home in my bed, alone.  Leaving is so hard, and it hits both of us harder each time.

I tend to not really think about things until I am forced to.  I need to knit my ass off these next few weeks so I'll be prepared for Horrorfind and Monster Mania conventions in September.  I need to make some serious cash.

I don't know what else to say, except that I have felt weird and out of sorts all day.  I hate this feeling, and it needs to go away.